for what it is worth i consider myself to be one of the fortunate guys here in prison as i have family that supports me and comes to visit me, at least once a month for 2 days. there is something that i want to say about these visits and what i find to be interesting. the thing that sticks out the most is the number of women that come to visit these men. it is sad to see the elderly women that come to visit their sons and other male family members. it is also sad to see the mothers of these guys children lug these kids into these institutions as they try to keep a dysfunctional family together. it is heartbreaking to see, at the end of these visits the children, cry and cling to their dads and brothers. it is a unique experience to see these guys that are supposed to be harden criminals try and relate to these children and get frustrated when they can’t relate to them.
today there was this guy that was trying to relate and talk to his daughter and she refused to communicate with him and she ran off to the bathroom with tears in her eyes. as she is running off crying the father yells out for her to come back and as she ignores him he says.” why are you mad at me? i didn’t do anything!” wow!! is what i thought. did he really say that. that he didn’t do anything as if him being in prison and not part of her life wasn’t enough! i have had many moments where i have gone through things and say to myself that this is can never happen again, incarceration. but at that moment that was the saddest moment of my incarceration. i think that it was because i can see the long term effects of that moment.
when i am sitting in that visiting hall all i see is the broken families and worn down women that come week after week. they endure tremendous pain to get in here, as they have to be able to clear security and that is a degrading feeling to have to endure yet they endure just to see that son, husband or brother not knowing if this will be the last time seeing that person. what i don’t see is the homeboys and the street partners that these guys are always bragging and boasting about. i get so tired of the ‘my man this and that’ i never hear guys talk about their kids and how proud they are of them for what ever achievements that they may have accomplished recently. to see that guys place more love and concern for a table in the mess hall, or a chair, and the other things that i have seen guys get hurt over is a shame. as they reps these blocks and gangs while their children suffer is a shame. to see the next generation of dope dealers and crooks and future inmates is a sad thing to see. but that is the reality of it.
Michelle Alexander talks about racial disparity and things alone that nature but the sad truth is that there is not a system that can put more black people in prison and harms why than the family system, because this is where it starts. if the family system is broken the rest is bound to go down hill. as i know for a fact that what ever crime and delinquency that people learn, they learned from someone that was close to them, it was somebody that looked like them. this person looked them in the face and told them that whatever it was that they were about to do was alright. that is the sad truth! rarely do i hear them telling their kids that this is not cool and to not be like them. they make it alright to be here. all that does is removes the fear of incarceration and when there is no fear there is no limits to the acts which they may commit. and the end result is right here!